Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did. ~ Mark Twain
One by one, your kids develop their flight wings and fly the coop. When the last one leaves, the house is eerily quiet. Old habits die hard, so you have to keep resisting the urge to go and see what they’re doing because silence mostly meant they were up to something. However, rather than focusing on the emptiness and silence, raise a glass to new beginnings instead! Look on this as an opportunity, not a void. Use our tips for empty nesters to embrace this next stage of life, to rediscover you, and prove that life after ‘launch day’ is anything but empty!
“Don’t wait. Make memories today. Celebrate your life! ~ Unknown”
An empty nest is a great opportunity to keep turning the pages of life. Move on to the next chapter. Embark on new adventures. Do all those things you always wanted to do ‘one day’. So, rejig your thinking. Rewire your circuits and adopt the positive view that today is not the end of something.
Rather – today is the first day of the rest of your life and it’s going to be as exciting, rewarding, and fulfilling as the past has been. Just in different ways…
1. Acknowledge And Validate Your Feelings – It’s Perfectly OK To Have Them
A newly bare nest can be an emotional roller coaster time. You alternate between sneaky feelings of relief that, finally, your life is your own again, and guilt because it’s not ‘nice’ to celebrate the kids moving out!
There’s a tinge of sadness because the things that have defined and given your life purpose and meaning for so long have vanished. It feels a bit like the rug has been whipped out from under your feet.
Then there is the spectre of all that spare time… How are you going to fill it without school runs or after school and weekend activities?
This is normal…
It is perfectly normal to feel a bit lost without the hustle and bustle of family life going on around you. It’s also OK to mourn that – a little. The trick is not to let it become the new norm, and take over your life.
Pro tip 1 for empty nesters: chart it
A ‘feeling chart’, or even a journal, is a creative and visual way to track your emotional journey and introduce a bit of fun and creativity into the process. If you see too much ‘sad’ colour happening it’s time to shake your emotional kaleidoscope! Maybe call a friend, binge on comedies, or book an adventure. Swap the blues for bursts of joyous sunshine-yellow; turn the greys of anxiety into swirls of purple creativity. Colour your world, one day at a time, and remember, even the stormiest skies eventually make way for sunshine.
Get a daily planner; or use a calendar, your diary, or a journal. Allocate a colour to each of the various emotions (sad, anxious, frustrated, angry, nostalgic, thoughtful, happy, excited, creative and so on). Mark each day with the colour of the predominant emotion you’re feeling. Over time, you’ll see a pattern, hopefully moving towards yellows of joy, creative purples, and bright uplifting hues of happiness and hope!
2. Remember, And Refocus On, Your Partner!
Once upon a time, your partner was probably the most important other person in your life! Then the kids came along and the focus shifted to them. That’s all entirely normal because, like most mammals (and birds), we are evolutionarily programmed to focus on successfully rearing – and releasing – the next generation.
But – when they are released, that’s the cue to re-find your significant ‘other’. Revisit those BK (Before Kids) plans you put on hold. Think of it as a ‘today is the first day of the rest of our lives so what will the two of us do together’ moment.
Pro tip 2 for empty nesters: make plans
Plan some adventures together. Without noisy arguments in the back seat and the eternal ‘are we there yet’ whinging, trips will be a whole different experience! Instead of arguing with the kids about bedtime, you can argue about more sophisticated things, like which wine to drink, and Netflix series to binge-watch.
Alternatively – keep a ‘Mini-Adventure Jar’ filled with ideas for spontaneous outings, and activities. Then use a lucky dip system to choose your next adventure.
3. Liberate Old Passions And Interests
BK you no doubt had your own life, full of passions, hobbies, and interests. AK (After Kids) these things got put on hold, buried under footie practice, and the kids’ various passions, hobbies, and interests. You became a taxi service, a built-in cheer squad, and a sounding board for everyone else’s thoughts and ideas.
That’s all about to change though because an empty nest is ‘seize the opportunity’ time! Time to revisit some of the things you used to enjoy doing. Reconnect with what once made you, you, and rediscover the person beyond the parent. Perhaps you were a budding artist or a talented drummer. Maybe you used to run competitively instead of just to exercise the dog!
Whatever your talents were, they’re still there. A bit rusty from disuse perhaps but nevertheless still there… (If they’re not – find new ones!)
Pro tip 3 for empty nesters: rekindle an old hobby, or get a new one
Pursue hobbies you’ve put on hold to raise a family.
Make a point of diving into the art shops you’ve carefully avoided all these years lest temptation get the better of you… and binge buy!
Retrieve your old drum kit from storage, dust it off, and defiantly give it a new home in one of the kid’s old rooms (a whole other tip on its own).
Join an athletics club and rediscover the joys of pounding the footpath because you want to (and you have a competition coming up), not because pooch needs to go out.
4. Create New Routines And Traditions
Who says things have to stay the same now the kids have winged their way out of the family nest! With only the 2 of you, or perhaps just you, it’s an ideal opportunity to rethink routines and create new traditions that are uniquely yours.
Pro tip 4 for empty nesters: out with the old and in with the new
Adapt old routines to suit your new dynamic. Use the space and time created by your empty nest to evolve new traditions that say ‘hey, watch this space because something new is about to bloom.
We’re ditching routine Sunday roasts, and embracing the spontaneous sushi run. Swapping bedtime stories for stargazing sessions… Filing the kid’s CDs and dusting off our vinyls… Turning hectic school day mornings into slow and steady with coffee and crossword puzzles, and enjoying sunset strolls instead of frenzied after-school taxi runs.’
Take selfies with the sunset to send to your kids, and don’t forget the caption ‘Wish you were here, but kind of glad you’re not!’
5. Travel And Explore
Now the nest is empty, and your time is flexible, you can start ticking travel destinations off your To Do bucket list. After all, no kids = freedom for spontaneous getaways, spur-of-the-moment evenings out, and unplanned treats.
Pro tip 5 for empty nesters: embark on adventurous journeys
Buy, or rent, a caravan and join other empty nesters touring Australia’s great outdoors – tick. Visit an old friend on the other side of Australia whilst you’re at it – tick.
Cruise around the world – tick (here are some tips on how to keep safe on cruise ships.)
Cash in your frequent flyers and trip off overseas to climb Mt Everest (tick), see the wonders of the ancient world (tick), or just because you can now you don’t have kids at home to worry about.
6. Give Back to Your Community
Perhaps during your years of chauffeuring the kids around to various activities you noticed some of the organisers were short-handed. Maybe you spotted ways they could improve their operations, or their services.
Now is your chance to jump in and help! Give something back and pay it forward. Not only will you be helping a good cause, you’ll also meet different people and perhaps make some new ‘besties’ to spend time with.
Pro tip 6 for empty nesters: find a cause
The list of charities and organisations that rely on volunteers is huge so you’re bound to find one that speaks to you. When you do, offer your skills and expertise by volunteering.
Pets for example are a hot topic right now as spiralling costs force many pet owners to choose between keeping their pet, or keeping a roof over their heads and food on the table. Therefore, if you’re a pet lover, you could volunteer at your local animal shelter, or even consider becoming a foster carer if you have the facilities, and skills.
7. Learn A New Skill
Have you often thought how nice it would be to learn something new, or explore alternative employment options? Maybe you’ve long had a secret yen to brew your own beer, work from home, or be your own boss. Then shelved the idea because family circumstances weren’t right at the time, or you didn’t have the room.
Well, what better time to do it than after the kids leave home. Now is your time to shine and discover what defines you as a person, and brings you joy and fulfilment. The time to pursue personal goals, learn new skills, and simply enjoy what interests you.
Pro tip 7 for empty nesters: invest in yourself
Invest in yourself after all these years of investing in everyone else. Take classes and learn new skills. Develop new hobbies. Along the way, you’ll also find new friends with the same interests and skills.
8. Revamp Or Resize Your Home
As you’re taking up a hobby, or going back to school, or starting a home-based business, you’ll need additional workspace, perhaps a studio, or an office. An empty nest offers plenty of space for expansion.
Pro tip 8 for empty nesters: reinvent the kids’ spaces
Now that the kids have gone, those empty spaces are beckoning. Repurpose them to suit. Fashion a new environment that reflects your current needs and preferences.
Create your perfect home office for working from home, running your new home-based business, or studying. Craft an art studio, or music room… Design a private retreat where you can do your yoga or Pilates in peace and tranquillity. Build a home gym,… Set up your brewing equipment…
The possibilities are ENDLESS!
Conversely, if you don’t need all that space any more, it could be time to resize or downsize.
9. Stay Connected With Your Children
Your kids have left the nest but they haven’t abandoned you. They’ll probably still need the occasional payday loan or sympathetic ear. Otherwise, they’ve just done what you did when you were their age, and begun making their own way in life.
So, stay in touch. They may not always have time for chitchat, and their visits back home may become sporadic but that’s because they’re busy thriving, just as you raised them to do.
Pro tip 9 for empty nesters: put communication technology to good use
In the wake of Covid, there are plenty of digital ways to stay connected with family members (FaceTime, Zoom, Google Chat, Google Meet, Skype, et al).
Create a ‘Digital Family Hub’ to keep your kids in the loop without making them feel pressured to engage in lengthy conversations. Use it to share snippets of your daily life, funny anecdotes, or even photos of the family pet’s latest antics. It’s a modern twist on the family dinner table ‘how did your day go’ conversation!
10. Build Your Support Network
Almost every family goes through this empty nest adventure in life so rest assured you’re not alone. In fact, most of your kids’ friends’ parents will be going through the same thing (there are social opportunities there).
Pro tip 10 for empty nesters: stay social
Maintain an active social life. It will not only help overcome the empty nest blues but is an important part of moving on with the next chapter of your life.
Keep in touch with the various parents you’ve come to know through your kids.
Spend time with loved ones other than your children.
Connect with other empty nesters through social media, online forums, or support groups. Trade experiences, tips, and advice… Plan to meet up regularly for coffee, lunch, bingo nights, or whatever takes your fancy.
In other words, fill that empty nest so full of loved ones, new friends, new connections, and fun activities that you don’t have time to mourn the past, and miss the kids (too much). Soon it may be you with no time for Digital Family Hub chitchat because you’ll be busy thriving too!
“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough” – Mae West
Ultimately, an empty nest is what you make it. The chirpless silence can stay depressing, or you can make it golden. You can let the empty house weigh you down, or you can grasp your newfound freedom in both hands and use it as an opportunity to herald in a new vibrant chapter in your life. Aim to make it so that when you reach the end you can raise a toast, and proudly proclaim “It wasn’t the years in my life, but the life in my years, that counted” ~ Adlai Stevenson.
Happy empty nesting!
